PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die
of natural
causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
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Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help
but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about
seeing UFO's like they used to?
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All of us could pay attention to the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to
start a campfire.
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Who was the first person to look under a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these
dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
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Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next
thing that comes out of it's butt."
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Why is the a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Does pushing the elevator more than once make it arrive faster?
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Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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